a lack of colour.

I am convinced that I am going blind.
Actually.
My dear housemate assures me that
I am only experiencing "irrational fear".
Being as lovely as she is, and despite my paranoia
she indulged me and prayed for me.
I love her for this, that is why she is one of my closest friends
(and I might add our friendship began before
I learned about her celebrity status,
now that is true friendship...she would kill me if I mentioned it).

The boy said I was just stressed, which is true,
but could that possible take away your sight?
Its not just my sight, I think my hearing is going too.
My equilibrium is almost always off, I can't manage
to walk in a straight line anymore.

I had to skip dance class this week because
my senses are functioning at half their ability.
I'm an empiricist, I need those 5 senses.
In fact I think I am dyeing at a much faster
rate than any other girl my age.

I feel like Prufrock's vision of a patient etherized upon a table.
Paralyzed.
T.S Eliot would think that humanity
and the modern world has just damaged my psyche.

Mum thinks I am just stressed out too.
Don't suggest glasses because I already have glasses.
I am at the point where I am afraid to go to sleep
at night for fear of waking up and seeing nothing.

I've already made an eye doctor appointment,
but I'm slightly afraid to start this cycle all over.
I have a history with doctors. I visit mine all the time.
I show up with a long list of self-diagnosed illnesses,
which of course I researched on the Internet
(so not helpful when they always provide the worst case scenario)
Then my doctor goes through the list one by one
and assures me that I am perfectly healthy
and don't have a single disease I thought I did.
She says I am just stressed.
Then she gets too personal,
asks me a million questions and I end up in tears.
One time she taught me how to breath in a paper bag.
It was humiliating.
I hate it but I always go back,
I always cry, and I always leave with the assumption
that I may have more illnesses then I diagnosed myself with.
The Optometrist is going to hate me.