transatlanticism.

I almost did it again. Escape that is. My sweet summer of European adventures ended and September abruptly came, with it brought the realization that yet again I have to leave. Normally, I wouldn't think twice about picking up and leaving my family and home to start fresh for a new year, but this time I felt less like a vagabond and more like a refugee. Let me clarify-I hate where I go to school. The word "hate" is something I like to reserve for severe situations, but in this case I feel it fits. Now before this starts a war with any East coasters let me defend myself. I love studying International Studies, I love the opportunities this school has given me to travel the world, I love my best friend who I met out here, and I love the sea. Those are a lot of nice things to say about a place I would actually say I hate. Never in a million years would I have foreseen myself attending this school, it does not suit me in the least. It is small and in the middle of nowhere...the most exciting thing we have is a chocolate factory-you get the picture, I am bored and city sick the only reason I am here in the first place was because I was running away, years later I am still trying to run away. I think my disdain of being here has been fairly obvious because the other day I came back into my room to find a zillion little encouragement notes hidden all over, I keep finding them in the most random places like a tampon box, 5$ bill, Advil bottle, everywhere. The next day I came home to find fresh wild flowers on my desk, really these girls I live with are lovely and I should take comfort in knowing that.

A few days ago I had an embarrassing and emotional meeting with the Dean of Arts in which I pleaded my case. In the end I realized that it would have damaged me more psychologically if I went home, plus my mother yet again assured me that there was nothing I could do at home to fix the problems, so I stayed. I suppose being here is healthy for me, I left a volatile relationship and family stresses, all of which consumed me, to find myself in a place where I am forced to rely on myself and decide what I want. I don't even know what I want anymore. This whole rant sounds rather ambiguous, but I am not quite sure I am ready to divulge the details nor the whole truth of this situation, we will see how lonely I get, I may have to eventually. Ah, well I am here now and I only have one more year till graduation so I will put on my most convincing Polly positive face and make the best of it. Then on to the next adventure which at this point my only plan is to make it back to London, England someway somehow. It would have been easier had I held on to my British boyfriend and his dual citizenship, for now I will just have to cross my fingers and hope the perks of the Commonwealth pull through.