i thought i couldn't do this without you.

{photo by me}

I went to church this morning for the first time in...who knows how long, I might even say its been since Christmas. Somehow I woke up early, felt unusually well rested and had an urge to go to church. I'm glad I did. When I got back I moved the two large suitcases that I have been storing outside my room since September. I hadn't quite given up the idea of running away at a moments notice until today, mind you I was asked politely several times to remove my messy things from the hallway, it just wasn't until now that I was able to. I'm afraid to say this out loud, but I think I might actually be happy here...somehow over the last few weeks I have found what one might call "joy". Not "oh we're having spaghetti for dinner and I am so excited about it" kind of joy, but I mean real joy, or maybe for the first time I am feeling content with my surroundings, not wishing I was somewhere else or dreaming up a new trip to go on. Perhaps it has something to do with all the weekend getaway's friends and I have been having, or my weekly, tipsy "sex and the city" evenings with two of the most hilarious girls on campus, or maybe it's just being away from home that has been making me feel more at home. Even the Dean of Arts noticed my shift in perspective and commented on it, and this is the guy who has seen me at my worst, in my full on embarrassing, crumbling, crying weak little girl state begging him to transfer my credits and set me free!

I never thought this would happen, I planned on hating it here forever. That way it wouldn't be so hard to leave.